<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d4256293944168210551\x26blogName\x3dTe+aMaRe+SieMpRe\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://lildevilailing.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://lildevilailing.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-2880143207916344577', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Are right where yours fit perfectly.

click on the pretty little ♥ 's up here
to navigate yourself around this blog :)

oh! and btw,
You are reading this blog at your own risk.
The blogger will not be held responsible for any problems, mental disorder or breakdowns you
may face during your reading process.
If you don't like it here, you may click on the [x] button on the top right
of your screen.
On the other hand, enjoy your stay and do come back.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Dealing with Social Anxiety

My heart breaks a little everytime I have to admit the fact that I have social anxieties. I feel dysfunctional and I go into this little bubble where self-condemnation begins to haunt the very depths of my soul.

Exaggerated much? Haha. Take a walk in my shoes. Or perhaps even 'our shoes' (cause I believe I'm not the only one experiencing it). And you'll come to see how your worst nightmare happens in broad daylight every single day.

I remember days when I would be asked to join parties or social events and I hated that. I absolutely feared the thought of being in a crowd of people. Especially unknown people. I'd find every excuse just to skip those events. And I hated myself even more when that happens because I knew where I was different than everyone else.

You see, people who don't know me may think I'm snobbish or perhaps even selfish because I don't show up at social events or gatherings. The problem is, that when I do show up, I make people feel uncomfortable. I'm so awkward that new people always feel uncomfortable with me. They don't know what to say to me or they don't know how to connect with me in a conversation. And that, my friend, is why I choose to stay away from meeting people.

Because I know how it's gonna be. And I know what I'm gonna be dealing with. So, I choose not to make a fool of myself by putting myself in such situations where at the end of the day, I'm only gonna go back and rewind the thoughts in my head of how I reacted in that situation and how I felt foolish for being so awkward.

Dealing with anxiety is having relapse of overthinking. It's bad enough when you overthink but it's worse when you have to overthink 10000 million times. My anxiety makes me think of worst case scenarios if I were to do something. So, at the end of the day I always stay within my comfort zone because my feet wouldn't move where my heart and mind feels uncertain about a particular decision. '

For the people out there who may be experiencing similar situation as mine. Know that you are not in this alone. One day, I do hope we get out of this hellhole.


♥ let the night fall
@ 7/24/2018 11:59:00 PM

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

During my 3-4 months period as a practicum teacher, I've learned a lot of things throughout the process. One of the lessons which I found most valuable was that 

Time is going to keep moving.

There were days when I dreaded going to school as the work was overwhelming. There were also days when I wished that time would stop because I was enjoying the moment tremendously. 

In those moments, I realised that time is going to keep moving.

There could be days when you would feel like 'how am I going to get through today?'
When such days arise, remember, time is going to keep moving. 
Hence, when you think of it, time has a pretty advantageous value. 
No matter how bad a day can be, we know that, eventually the day is going to pass, tough times don't last forever.

On the other time, the fact that time is going to keep moving also reminds us that good times don't last forever. This makes us cherish precious moments even more because time isn't going to stop for you just because you finally made out with your ten year's crush.

I never truly understood why we are only given 24 hours in a day but I am thankful that the time limit in a day has always gotten me through the good and bad days as time is and will always be moving.


♥ let the night fall
@ 12/06/2017 12:45:00 AM

Thursday, November 23, 2017

As I was clearing up a couple of my things yesterday, I stumbled upon several sentimental items I have long kept.
Do you know that feeling of finding your old high school notebook or exam papers?
Things you have long forgotten about?
I had a good laugh finding my Chemistry STPM paper, completely forgotten that I only scored 20% for trials LOLL
Oh, my teacher's blood pressure lol

Well, one of the things that caught my attention as I was rummaging through my things were cards and notes given by my beloved friends.
Dare I say, cards ain't easy to do. First, you gotta take note of how pretty it looks like. Then, you gotta squeeze your brain juice to figure out what to write in the card.

So, I truly appreciate every card and note that has been specially written to me :)

As I was reading back what was once written by them, it felt so surreal. I found so much joy and encouragement.

"Wow, I can't believe my friends think that I'm that nice".
This thought came to my mind.

Growing up, I've always lacked confidence and self-esteem. I have never thought that I was ever good enough. My friends are well aware of this haha.

However, as I was reading how much my friends appreciated our friendship and how they felt happy knowing me and stuff, I truly felt so enc
ouraged. It gave me a sense of belief that at a point of my life, I was doing things right. It made me believe in myself.

Then, I started thinking how our words can make the most impact on someone's life. A simple 'you are beautiful' or 'you are loving' can go a long way without us knowing. So, tell your friends and family positive things, voice out how you feel about them, you never know if that was the one thing they've been dying to hear.


♥ let the night fall
@ 11/23/2017 10:51:00 AM

Monday, October 23, 2017

I remembered being so enthusiastic about photography back then that I wanted to help couples take couple shots for them. However, I was always rejected *cries*
Even though I couldn't take pictures for other people, I now have the opportunity to take pictures of us hahaha.

Can't believe that it's been a year since we've been together. It felt like just yesterday when a notification came in with you saying "Hey" and I completely had a panic attack and instantly switched off my phone like a criminal was chasing after me.

The one thing I learned from this one year relationship is the impact of timing.
We live 5 minutes (3 minutes if there is no jam :P) from each other. He knew a number of students from my high school and I was in his for Form 6. We unknowingly have met each other during one Chinese New Year but have no memory of it ever haha. We could have so many occasions to have known each other within this 23 years.

We needed exactly 23 years to finally know each other through a social media called Facebook. Funny how timing works. Any sooner (or even later), we could have met each other at the wrong timing or perhaps even put each other in the bro-zone haha

We have been through so many ups and downs and so many uncertainties in between. There were days when all we did was say 'good morning' and 'goodnight' to each other because we were so busy. When people asked us how we got to know each other, we couldn't give them a romantic love story because all we could say was 'Facebook'. People should sue us for such an unromantic story lol.
We had so little time with each other that we found time to be so precious and cruel at the same time. 

Despite it all, I could have never asked for anyone else but you to ride this insane journey with me. 
We are imperfectly perfect for each other because we're so different but similar at the same time. It's crazy. Thank you for everything and cheers to many more years to come. I love you :)

Don't run away now. You need to marry me :P 


♥ let the night fall
@ 10/23/2017 12:31:00 AM

Monday, October 2, 2017

Back to basics again. It's been way too long since I wrote anything so here goes :) Can't believe it has been it's been almost 8 years since I started blogging. Recently, I found myself scrolling back to what I've written in the past and there were so many things that I started reminiscing about.

Writing really made me happy back then. I spared so much time writing that I found myself really loving it. At one point, I truly believed that the more I wrote, the closer I was to writing as a living.

Over the years, life took its toll. Priorities changed. I changed. I found myself being influenced and manipulated by the beliefs of the world. That is was almost impossible to do anything great in life or perhaps even reach a little dream.

Reality kicks in. And I find myself believing in self-doubt and inadequacy. There is no such thing as dreams when you have to be realistic and consider financial constraints, familial responsibilities and personal qualifications. 

In moments like this. I find myself truly contented with the fact that I have the liberty to write in an online platform Where writing is just, writing. No strings, no limiting factors. Just my thoughts and I. Memories all plated in chronological order to see how I've grown over the years.

I may not be where I wish I could be. Nonetheless, I am glad to be where I am supposed to be now. I am ever grateful that this blog has still been kept alive over the years to show that I love writing. I never stopped. 


♥ let the night fall
@ 10/02/2017 07:42:00 AM

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Resisting stillness

In the stillness I hear,
Of loud whispering in my ear,
They lie and deceive,
And trick me into believing.

I am inadequate, I am small;
I am nothing, I am bound to fall;
I will never be good enough, I will never succeed;
These are the lies you are meant to heed.

In the stillness I fear,
Little voices creeping in,
Of what, dear;
Oh heck, they’re no sweet whispering.


♥ let the night fall
@ 3/01/2017 08:52:00 AM

Thursday, February 16, 2017

14 February 2017

PS: This is written to show my appreciation to the man who traveled all the way from Penang to Tanjung Malim to be with me on Valentine's. Thank you for all the efforts and love you've showered me with. Words simply cannot express how grateful I am to have you in my life.

So, the bf surprised me by magically appearing at the door where I lived. He personally delivered things I left at home and a handmade gift created by his bare hands hahaha. Love it so much, especially the cute little drawings of stick figures which has three legs LOL! Then, the flowers were delivered just exactly when I was doing something else. Flowers were so preettyyyy and they won't wilt so that's a pluspoint! :D Later, he removed me from the jungle and brought me to civilization to go kai kai and have dinner at Peranakan Place. The chicken so wangi, I kid you not <3 nbsp="" p="">

Favourite drawing : The queen looks like it's wearing a sarong/tuala LOLL

Roses came in such a pretty packaging. I cannot. <3 p="">

Coz he doesn't eat ladies finger, i get double portion MUAHAHAHA 

All in all, even if we were just to sit by the lake and eat fried rice, I'd still be the happiest person alive to have you by my side for one more day. 
Thanks for making it a memorable day, love. 
Love you loads :)


♥ let the night fall
@ 2/16/2017 06:24:00 PM